Deja vu


A few weeks ago, after the oak leaves had fallen from the trees, I was walking in Lowe Park, across the street from where I presently live. I was drawn to an  old stone wall that I only saw for the first time that day. Memories of children playing in bands came to mind and I remembered that kids used to practice out in the park next to BF Brown School, back then, it was operational.  I remembered.

I had seen this wall before, but from the road above. Could this be the street I lived on for ever so brief a time? I had family in Fitchburg. My husband and I were dirt poor because I left my job and we relocated to the East Coast in 1980. I really didn’t realize that we were even in a recession because I had a job working with a faith-based group in San Francisco. The recession was terrible in CA for my intended because he couldn’t land a job.

Before I knew it, on a family recommendation, I paid for two airline tickets and we flew to Boston. Once we landed, we found out that Digital Equipment Company had just started to lay people off. I was flabbergasted because I moved us back east for my partner to work for them. I had good references with the company because I worked for them in the 1960s and early 1970s. You can imagine my shock and dismay when my brother-in-law, picked us up at the airport and told me. I had an anxiety and panic attack right then. All of a sudden, I realized I had put us both in harm’s way and there was no way to undo it now.

These were the most difficult years of my life. We needed a vehicle and again I paid for a used car. Then we were without shelter for a few weeks, camping just like all the other homeless. It was horrible not having a room over our heads. Luckily my husband was offered two positions in New Hampshire fairly quickly and we were able to feel like a respite had arrived.

While in Fitchurg, we moved into this old Victorian and frankly I can’t even remember the name of the street. I will go back and take photos and look at street sign. The house was yellow then and it still is. I did have some happy times in that old home but I was pretty comatose from the trauma of being homeless, jobless, and so far down on the financial totem pole now. I felt like I might not ever make a comeback.

Then the Creator opened doors for us. It really was a miracle. We moved to Manchester, NH, within a month I think. Then life began again but that is another story, which is part of a working manuscript so I will leave that for later.

The point is I am settled in Fitchburg for one year now and am reconnecting the dots to my past experience. What a world of difference now. I am financially secure, thanks to my husband and my corporate years. Will passed on in 2010. I thanked him this morning as I remembered what he has given me in life and beyond. How grateful I am for having a beautiful life that he was able to provide because of his Federal career and military background. Cream always rises to the top and we did.

I am grateful this morning and going to light a candle in remembrance.

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